Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Dear anonymous

To the person who stole my wallet yesterday,
            I'm not sure quite what to say to you. Let's just say I hope you're enjoying the 140 euros of months of my personal allowance money that I had just withdrawn from the ATM. Live it up, take your special someone out to a nice dinner. Heck at that price go out to a movie too. At least you didn't steal the clean diapers out of my purse, then we really would have had a problem. (No one likes a leaky baby butt!) Still the timing does suck, doesn't it? But hey, that's life, right? Don't worry about using the bank card though--yours truly has already been on top of that one (okay, let's be honest since someone's gotta be...yours truly's husband has been top of it rather). Either way the card is kaput and you wont get very far with it. I'd like to see you try and pass yourself off though as me using my metro pass, government and private health insurance cards, all of which were in it. Maybe you'll even manage a better version of me than I myself do...you'll at least have a flatter stomach since I doubt you gave birth only a month ago. 
             Now I'll admit, the Titre de Séjour (i.e. residency card) that was in there as well does slightly get me riled up. After all, that means that you're now sending me back to the dreaded préfecture. The place that doesn't pick up the phone. As in the only way to talk to someone is to wait in line for half your life and being a new mommy I thought I had better things to do. And there's a good point as well: it was very kind of you to target   a woman with a one month old strapped to her stomach while juggling several bags and attempting to make her way through the Paris metro. I'm all for equality and we wouldn't want any special treatment, now would we? No preferential stuff for this girl, no sir (or ma'am for that matter since I never saw your face). In fact it was from the nice policeman while at the police station that I learned that there had been quite the string of thefts in the area yesterday so it's good to see that you're sharing the love. Giving the tourists a good impression of the city and all. About this time I also looked down and learned that I had spit up all over my shirt but that probably doesn't matter to you. They still took my little deposition. 
             By the way, if you have a little left over, could you swing by the store Hema in the Chatelet area? That's where I discovered that you apparently had more need of my money than I and I had some very cute things picked out that are now sitting behind the counter at checkout.  We can even split the goods since you're so pro sharing and whatnot. Although Livia says that she has dibs on the sweater mommy had picked out for her. Not that it'd fit you anyways. Well, that's all for now. Be sure to keep in touch (just look for my husband's name off the phone list you stole if you're not sure how to get a hold of me). Maybe we can even put each other on the other's Christmas card list. Wouldn't that be fun.
              It's been real,
                  Talia aka The Harried Mommy of the Metro