Monday, April 15, 2013

Lions, tigers, and pigeons, oh my!

DH the other day (that's Darling Husband for all you sad, so not with it, people who don't hit up the pregnancy web forums on a regular basis) decided a birthday trip to the circus would be just what the doctor ordered (short of going into labor that is) to get this crazy pregnant she-male out of the house. And he was right! Who doesn't love the circus? (Okay, not including you Mom...) Matt (I could say DH again but really it's only cool when people have to guess at what you're talking about) found a little family-run circus on the edge of Paris a couple of weeks ago and it wasn't long before we were following our mini-skirted and high-heeled 8 year old hostess to our seats (who of course didn't hesitate to remind us of the tipping policy--I wanted to remind her to go to school and get an education but whatever). 

This is us ready for the greatest show on earth. 

The tigers were the first act, and probably one of my personal favs. They were dangerous, although not in a The Crocodile Hunter sort of way. I'm not kidding about that either--my cat is more dangerous than those large felines and much worse behaved (ah, sigh, if only I had one of those whippy things to wave around the living room). No, the real hidden danger was in sitting a bit too close to those enormous cats. Why, might you ask? Just imagine a big ol' tiger standing his hiney at attention on the cage wall and letting 'er rip... Trust me folks, that is one territory marking you don't want to get in the way of (esp not when the spray is 4-5 feet long and covers the [thankfully empty] front row seats). As for other inappropriate behaviors, here's a couple of them making out during the act... 

Here's the plate guy...I honestly held my breath like a zillion times considering he was about 11 years old and had 10 plates not to break... 

The act below certainly gets the award for the most random act. The lighting isn't so great but try to make out the animals on the cart: 3 toy poodles (although maybe ferrets on steroids from Argentina for all we know...), a basket full of doves,  one floppy eared rabbit, and a goat who quickly busied himself trying to eat something on the edge of the ring. The "trainer" then proceeded to do a trick with each of the animals, one after the other. You had the poodle that stood up and pushed the rabbit in a toy stroller across the floor and the doves that got swung around on a giant parasol and somehow managed to stay on without puking (possibly the next great animal rights cause, no?). The goat just stood on its hind legs so clearly we won't be asking his trainer to come help with Fifi.  

It was quite the family affair... at one point our 8 year old hostess left the concession stand and went out to perform a little number with the hula hoops. I tried not to be jealous that at 8 she already was much more coordinated and looked much better in a miniskirt than me. I think her mom was the ringmaster who also turned out to be the trapeze lady (tricky, I know!). 

When all was said and done  I think we can safely assume that the audience had a very good, albeit quirky, time at the circus (does it count that most of them were under the age of 5?). As we walked out the clown asked me if I wanted to give the pillow around my stomach back to the circus...ah, if only it were that easy... He was very impressed though that our unborn child had already had her first circus experience before even coming out of the womb... maybe I'll tell her about it someday, that is, if she ever decides to come out... 

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